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Loving someone's gf/bf.

so here is my story,

dulu. aku pernah sayang orang yang dah ada bf. i met her around past few years. we contacted thru bbm every single day. on the phone every single night. we confessed our feelings. and thank god our feelings were mutual. and after few months being together, i figured it out that she actually has a boyfriend. i mean, dia pun satu. dia tak pernah cakap dia ada bf. and i believed what she told me. after few months being together, baru dia bagitahu dia sebenarnya dah ada bf. and i cried every night thinking why i am such a fool.

and weird part is, aku tak marah. sebab i really love her. having her by my side is enough. dia keluar dengan bf, aku tak text. bila dia bosan baru dia cari aku, call aku, text aku. it hurts so much. i cried so much. sakit bila nampak gambar dia dengan bf dia. at the same time, aku rasa aku memang tak boleh bersama dia. bila aku stalk dia, aku yang sakit. aku rasa macam orang paling bodoh dalam dunia.

so i choose to ignore her for few months. because i wanted to move on. and she contacted me back on first day raya. asking me for a forgiveness and stuff. aku pun maafkan dia. yang lepas biarkan lepaskan.

so kami jadi kawan. yes kawan. tapi dia still macam dulu. can't stop calling me sayang and stuff. it kills me every single time she did that. i will ended up crying so hard because i miss her. and it breaks my heart because right now we are just friends. and she still want me back. not as a friend. but as a lover. 

tell me how can i move on when she always called me sayang? wanting me back as her lover?

but when i asked her to choose me over her boyfriend. she didn't want to. it's ridiculous.

when i am trying to leave and forget everything we have. she convinced me that she will leave him. but no. she didn't leave him. i know that she loves me and her boyfriend equally. she said that. i don't know. but i really love her to death and i was afraid to lose her but i choose to forget her and just move on.

when i am actually on my away to forget her, she texted me, she called me. telling me that she missed me so much. i didn't react. because god knows how much i am hurting that time. i am in love with someone' gf. she has boyfriend. and why the fuck i am doing with her? why i am such a fool? love makes me stupid.

i asked her to appreciate her boyfriend. go back to her boyfriend. but she didn't want to. i asked her to choose me over her boyfriend. but still, she didn't want to. it hurts. because i have future plans with her. but now she broke my heart into pieces because she didn't know how to make bold decisions in life.

we love each other so much. i am happy when i am with her. she is happy when she is with me. but still she is deeply in love with her boyfriend. and afraid to to figure out what is best for her. she didn't want to choose.

and yes i choose to rid of my feelings for her.

it's crazy to love two person at the same time. it's a crazy thing to do.

i learnt that happiness never lasts. i gotta let her go. at some point, i have to.
i should respect the other dude and keep my distance. 
you can't help who you love, just don't make her cheat on her boyfriend.

there is a saying, "all is fair in love and war".

if you can keep her with you is another story. 
if she can leave him for you, she can just as likely leave you for someone else.

so, is it ever okay to fall in love with someone else's gf/bf?

yes, it is ok. It happens to the best of people. feelings aren't really under our control. they are not right or wrong, they just are. what we do have control over is our reaction to our feelings. some reactions are healthy (i.e. keeping appropriate boundaries between yourself and a girl who has a boyfriend or a boy who has a girlfriend) and some reactions are unhealthy. you seem to already know how to excersise good judgement in this situation. 

i have no idea if that girlfriend/boyfriend relationship is serious or not. you have a better understanding of that than I do. one thing is for sure, a boyfriend is not the same as a husband. they haven't taken vows. there is always a chance things could be quite different in the future. i wouldn't intrude into their space though, as long as they are still a couple.

but still stealing a person's gf/bf of course is a bad thing. why don't you put yourself in the situation before doing anything. would you like it if someone come between you and your gf/bf? i don't think so. i know sometimes you will fall for a girl/guy who already have a bf/bf but it doesn't mean you should steal someone else bf/gf.
i think it's bad to steal another guy's gf. If the girl likes you more than the other guy, then she needs to break up with her current bf first. if she went out with you before she broke up with the other guy, she is cheating on that guy. and what makes you think she won't cheat on you? ask yourself.

and yes ways to forget someone's gf/bf. (if you wanted to)

accept the reality of it, dia mungkin bukan untuk kau. kau mungkin bukan untuk dia. you tried your best. moving forward, ignore that person, forget that person (even it's hard like hell) & move on. don't listen to sad songs, tak payah dengar lagu sedih for the time being. you will miss that person even more. go out and have fun  with your family and friends. of course. make yourself busy. don't cry over someone who doesn't love you or like you. easy. stop stalking, tak payah stalk dia lagi. or else you will get hurt. if you think about that person - think about another person! don't call or text.

go listen to music, hangout with your friends, have a good time, stop dwelling on your past, there are billions of people n in the world, one tiny fish in the sea is not going to make your life worse, you have to be confident in your self and realize that you have the guts to move on. wasting your time with that person is going to make your life worse, realize that that person is nothing anymore, find a new best friend, never regret yourself that you loved that person, don't think that you're failure in love & be happy.

and yes, at the end of the day, it's her/his choice who she/he wants to be with. she/he will breakup with his/her bf if she/he feels that she/he will be happier with you. don't lose hope. give it a shot, if you fail, then leave.


ナディア said...

Sedih gila kot cerita kau. But, at the end, kau bagi nasihat dekat pembaca. Thank you. Teruskan usaha bro :)

nadia said...

i've been in this situation, and i am the gf yg ada bf. rapat dgn this guy friend, who is having a gf as well. but guy friend dah tawar hati with his gf. guy friend likes me, but i like him macam kwn bcoz i still have bf. one day, guy friend dtg rumah masuk meminang, and i accept sbb my mom ask me to get married instead of being in haram relationship. i cried. but nak jaga hati family, i go on with the plan. now, my ex-bf just got married, and looks like he is happier than me... and me? i'm sad bcoz i miss my ex-bf. i know it's wrong to compare my husband with ex-bf. but can't help it... :'(

Anonymous said...

its like im in this situation....being sumone's gf..but I love the other guy more than my bf xpnah suka dkt ssiapa b4 this suka dkt guy ni...I jz pray 4 da best. we didn't know our future rite...

Anonymous said...

Just want to ask your opinion. If she/he is in your class. And he keep on bothering you saying stuff like sayang/baby but then bila keluar je dari kelas and meet his gf, he'll be like the most loyal bf. I've tried to ignored him, even changed my number to forget him even its hard, like you said. But, when he kept whatsapp me, frequent calls everyday, taking care of me, i'll be like, erm, feeling like i'm being loved. But we only stay as 'couple' in the phone. Its really hard to ask him out. We only can meet in the class. I feel like i'm being a bitch. Slut. Snatching people's bf. But then, what should i do ? Thanks for reading

chos said...

i'm facing the same situation.... right now.. i fall for someone's bf.. we going out..having date few times... i know he have gf from the first date,... but... idk why i still want to be with him.. even when he say no one can replace his gf.. he actually wanted me to forget him.. but i'm the one who still be all clingy to him... what a fool me... *sigh*

Anonymous said...

Sedang berlaku cerita yang sama dengan saya sekarang ni. Saya seorang pihak ke3 tanpa saya sedar dari awal. Rasa tersungkur tak boleh bangun-bangun bila dapat tau sendiri yang dia dah ada girlfriend. Bila dah dapat tau, saya dah cuba tak contact dia. Sedih sangat sebab saya macam di perbodohkan. Setiap malam tak mampu tidor. Air mata mesti mengalir walaupun saya sebenarnya tak nak menangis. So, saya selalu menangis dalam tak rela. Takutnya nak menunggu tiba waktu malam setiap hari.

At last, dia pujuk. Dia cakap dia sayang saya dan sayang gf dia dalam masa yang sama. Betul cakap awak. Ridiculous betullah kalau boleh sayang dua orang equally. Dalam masa yang sama. Stupid sangat. Tapi, saya tak boleh elak rasa happy sebab dia tak tipu yang dia sayang saya. Dia tak pernah ambil kesempatan dengan saya. So, walaupun tau dia masih ada gf? Dan gf dia tak tau apa yang sedang berlaku? Saya masih rasa gembira dengan dia. Tapi, saya ambil inisiatif untuk limit macam-macam benda.

No late night calls as usual. Saya tak bagi dia datang jumpa saya. Saya tak bagi dia buat apa-apa untuk saya. Saya buat macam tu supaya saya tak terus jatuh hati gila-gila kat dia. Walaupun saya yang letak peraturan macam tu? At last saya lah yang sangat sedih. Sebab sebenarnya saya happy sangat kalau dia boleh buat macam-macam semata-mata untuk gembirakan saya. Rasa sedih sangat bila saya rindu, tapi saya tak boleh bagitahu. Rasa derita sangat bila saya cintakan dia, tapi saya tak benarkan saya sebut macam tu pada dia. Tapi, saya yakin dia tahu. Cuma tak boleh. Dia dah ada yang teristimewa. Saya sangat tak boleh terima bila once dia cakap kalau boleh dia nak kahwin dua-dua. Hancur lumat hati saya. Dia pernah cakap. Kalau dia tak dapat bersama saya, dia takkan dapat lupakan saya sepanjang hidup dia.

Again. My heart broken into pieces. Saya jugak tertanya-tanya. Adakah dalam keadaan macam ni, pihak ke3 je yang akan rasa derita sehebat ni? Dia yang kita suka tu macam mana? Tak kisah langsung ke? Atau happy sebab tau ramai orang suka dia? Rasa nak tumbuk je muka dia. Sesenang hati je nak lead someone on. Rasa nak mengadu je kat gf dia. Tapi, apa saya dapat? Gaduh pun tak guna. Buat dia gaduh dengan gf dia pun tak guna jugak. Lagipun saya betul-betul sayang dia ;'( Saya tak nak dia sedih. Walaupun saya sendiri rasa sedih.

Saya pernah cuba tak contact dia langsung. Bila dia tanya kenapa? Saya cakap saya sedih nak mati kat dalam hati. Sebab saya tak boleh bersama dengan orang yang saya betul-betul sayang. Dia minta maaf. Dia cakap dia pun cuba untuk dekati saya. Tapi saya tak bagi pulak. Macam mana nak pupuk rasa cinta? Of course saya tak bagi. Sebab dia nak jumpa saya tanpa bagitau gf dia. Saya tak nak dia jadi seorang penipu sebab saya. Saya tahu dia rasa bersalah. Dia tak initiate any contact sekarang ni. Dah tak macam dulu. Saya lebih gembira macam tu. At least dia tak lukakan hati saya dengan terus bagitau yang dia sayang saya.

Slow-slow saya try stop contact dia sepenuhnya. Tapi, kadang-kadang saya cuma nak tau khabar dia. So, saya akan send text just wishing and hoping that he is fine. Even without me. :'( Saya pun tak faham kenapa. Padahal ada beberapa orang lelaki lagi yang cubarapat dengan saya. But none of them, boleh buat saya lupa dia yang dah ada gf tu. Saya tak boleh permainkan hati orang lain, di saat di dalam hati saya masih ada dia yang tak guna itu.

Malam ni pun. Saya still berjaga. Menunggu dengan desperate nya untuk mata dapat lelap. Sorry, panjang sangat cerita. Just sharing. Dan saya gembira bila saya tahu saya tak bersendirian. :) Betul. Dengan berdoa dan mengadu pada Allah je hati akan menjadi tenang. Tapi ia tetap akan ambil masa untuk pulih dan get used to it. Good luck for lucaspeebo and others! :)

Anonymous said...

Sukarnya hati melupakan seseorang yg kita mulai cintai..tambah2 lagi, kita sedar seseorang itu tak mungkin jadi milik kita kerna dia sudah berpunya.Kenapa hidup bagaikan tidak adil? Mengapa perlu hati kita yg derita, sedangkan dia tenang dan bahagia bersama pasangannya..tapi dlm masa yang sama, tetap melayan kita? Mesej,calling berbulan2..Adakah hanya kita yg bertepuk sebelah tangan? Apabila kita merelakan dia berhenti menghubungi kita, dia tetap ingin bermesej dgn kita..Adakah diri kita tak layak dicintai? Adakah dalam lingkungan FRIENDZONE semata-mata? Bagaimana nak tenangkan hati ini? Ingin memilikinya, namun hanya mampu mengimpikannya sahaja..kerna cinta bagaikan mempermainkan hati yang kosong.

Anonymous said...

hye lucaspeebo . . i'm not really know who are you or even know where do you come from ??.. but this post "Loving someone's gf/bf" mmg betul2 jadi on me.. and i feel hurt so much.. and bnd ni sdg terjadi since i tak pernah terjebak or having any serious relationship/ couple sejak zaman sekolah bukan sbbskema sbb sbb i rasa bnd tu mcm not necessary je baru belasan tahun. Bila masuk U ni i rasa okay klu nk ada relay okay sbb dah lepas zmn sekolah. tapi rasa tak adil sangat bila dah ada perasaan serious tapi, TAPI things getting worst sbb "loving someone's bf".. my style i tak suka kacau brg/hak orang even klu crushing on someone pun klu tau dia tu dah ada gf i sekat my in this case dah 'terlanjur' jatuh hati baru di bgtau dah ada gf..speechless, rabak hati dibuatnya. seriouslyyy its hard for me to move on..(weii aku dah la jenis yg susah nak jatuh tergolek guling2 suka/sayang kat org gila2).. why this thing happen to me .. i sentiasa ckp kat diri sndr why? tapi i'm still feel so glad coz we're not declare yet. sekarang pun masih susah utk move on. your story is similar to my story sejujurnya sangat sama, yg part bbm tu pun sebijik. Ya Allah how can you move on ah Lucaspeebo? how?? . . (i'm new follower on your twitter)

Anonymous said...

it's not easy to be the third party, semua orang pun faham. tapi dalam faham - faham tu, masih juga buat. sebab apa? seba hati. sebab sayang. I'm in this situation of knowing that he loves his girlfriend so much, and between me and him, it just so complicated.He said he would understand if I call it off, but strangely me myself, I don't want this thing to end. Call me stupid, but when it comes to love, i surrender.

Anonymous said...

I really like this post coz it gets my attention towards opinion of the third party side. I ada cerita yg sma jugak, almost exactly the same. Bezanya im not the third party, but suddnly become ones. We've been in relationship for years but suddenly ada sorang perempuan dtg dkt dia. I knew this after i call dia buat apa at that time. Suddnly the one who answer is a woman and introduces herself as his gf. I was like, im his gf for 4 years and apa yg u buat in the middle of our relationship? She says she'll be married with him tak lama lagi and i was like shocked to death. I ask my bf and he doesnt deny the fact that she's his partner. Since that i become the third party. The story is the sme just like what uve wrote but the worst is, im the one yang kena rampas but now im the one yang act like this. I hope she would have the same thought as you as the third party, not me. She's the one who snatch someones partner but im the one who feel this way. Its not fair and painful the most. The worst part is, im still waiting for miracle. I still woke up and look at my phone and check whether he text me or not eventhough we're no longer contact each other. I still check his social medias,pics of two of em tgether. I mean that should be me but its not. He'll be married on march next year and in the middle of the period im the one who feel like hurt to death. Let go but still not moving on. :'(

Anonymous said...

ceritanya lebih kurang sama. Sakit tu tak payahlah cerita. Kenapa memberi harapan kalau tak suka. Kenapa kena call tiap malam? kiteorang text masing2 tak ubah macam sepasang kekasih. Mulanya saya tak tahu dia dah ada gf. Akhirnya saya cuba tanya, awak anggap saya siapa?. Dia cuba mengelak dan hanya cakap " saya masih mencari ". i know u meant. Dan last sekali baru dia mengaku yg dia ada gf. Rasa sakit sgt. Selama ni, apa? jgn ckp sayang senang2 sbb hati perempuan memang mudah tersentuh. Dan kalau perempuan tu dah mula sayang. Macam mana?. Tp tak mungkin diri ni nak rosakkan hubungan org. Sbb saya pun tahu apa perasaan gf dia nanti. Dan sekarang dah 3 bulan kteorang tak contact. Tp masih berbalas tweet sekali sekala dan dia masih comment dkt feed ig saya. Sakit tp pendam shj. Tp alhamdulillah skg, saya happy utk diri sendiri. Saya dh berjaya. Saya dh move on !. Dah tak nangis mcm org bodoh setiap hari. Hahaha

Anonymous said...

Maigod lebih kurang sama cerita kita. I met him kat tempat kerja and we started became so close less than 1 month. The thing is, lelaki tu tahu I dah ada bf yet dia still nak msg tiap tiap hari, memang care sangat sangat dgn I. Everytime I nak keluar dgn bf, dia takkan msg/call and suruh I padam msg kteorg. In the end, i chose to leave my bf. Yeah, I know I'm not that loyal enough. But what to do, dulu I syg sgt kat bf I, sekarang I dah dgn orang lain. Tak tahu kesudahan kami mcm mana. Huhuhu

Anonymous said...

Sabarlah wahai hati..
Tuhan sebaik perancang..
Tuhan xkan uji diluar kemampuan seseorg..
Think positif..
ni laa jadinya bila kita syg hamba Allah lebih dari Allah sendiri(yg mencipta)..
ingt ape pun yg kamu buat kerana Allah..
syg pun kerana Allah..
insyaAllah kamu kuat..
salam dari saya..

Anonymous said...

Hah. My story macam sama haha macam lah macam.
I met him haha he was my boss.
Masa mula kenal dia sangat annoying sbb dia boss. Habis kerja we go melepak with other colligue pi makan. Borak borak we were so obsessed with this one drink, minat yang sama. So after I quit pun I always go out with him and pi makan because we just love the same thing. Haha. Someone told me dia ada gf. Hujung tahun ni depa kahwin. I macam ohh kurang ajar tak bgthu. Lepastu macam biasa, I still pi cari makan makan sedap with him lepak with him still telling each others stories talk about travelling chit chat even nak tidur pun still on just broke up. Tak lah baru since last year. I don't really socialise but he's different. He treated me in the best possible ways. One day depa argue. Bout 3 months tak bercakap. I'm there. Honestly, I talk to him every night. Bawak pi lunch and talk bout future. About how to solve mean it I never wanted to Macau deoa I never planned to fall in love with him. He was just so different. And I had never feel this way after I break up with my ex. And thus is the first time I have the guts to love org lain. Haha. Then suddenly he changed. Once he treated me like a princess and suddenly total friend. Hahas. I'm friend zoned. Sakit. Sakit. But I dont have guts to tell him the truth after I left him hints. Haha friends and let's justvstay as friends. Doakan I kuat pi majlis depa hujung tahun ni ye.

Anonymous said...

Mcm sama jugak dgn my story.

I know dis one guy dia ade gf i tahu, tapi i rapat dgn dia mcm kwn lama lama i suka drkat dia. Sumpah dia baik sgt layan i mcm kawan baik. One day dia clash dgn awek dia. Tak lama lepas tu i confess. Masa i confess i dah kawan dgn dia almost 3 years. Dalam 3 year ni i yg selalu jafi doktor cinta dia, tempat dia mengadu. Lepas i confess dia terus layan i mcm i gf dia. Start calling me sayang semua. Tiba tiba dia get back dgn gf dia. Peh sakit dia tuhan je tahu. So i ignore dia, lama lepas tu i dah start boleh mobe on lah. Dia dtg cari i balik. Calling me sayang semua. Teka lah sebab apa. Dia dah clash. :')

Revorepublic said...

Wow, terharu membaca cerita you bro. Saya tidak tahu bagaimana keadaannya sekarang, tetapi bagi saya you tidak pula mention dalam cerita di atas samada you berani propose si gf tu untuk berkahwin dgn you? Ini bukan tentang merampas gf sesorang, tetapi ternyata dia juga suka pada you. Untuk menguji sejauhmana dia benar2 menyayangi you, mungkin boleh dibuktikan dengan you cuba propose dia untuk ke gerbang perkahwinan. Wanita ni adalah sejenis makhluk yang selalu dalam situasi 'complicated state of mind' dimana dalam cerita di atas, dia tidak mampu untuk membuat keputusan antara dua lelaki sehingga memaksa wanita ni bermain tarik tali dengan you. Jika dia benar2 ikhlas dan jujur bercinta dgn you, mungkin dia akan tetapkan hati dia untuk bersama you di alam perkahwinan. Walaubagaimanapun, jika you dah propose dan dia masih enggan dan menggunakan 'another bf dia' sbagai faktor dalam alasan2 dia, saya rasa mungkin lebih elok you tinggalkan dia dari terus dirudum duka di hati. Jika you berpisah sekalipun, saya percaya you mmg boleh move on. You cuma hanya berasa kekecewaan yang teruk di peringkat awal yang lama kelamaan akan hilang sendiri perasaan kecewa tu. Tetapi yang penting, you tidak rugi apa2 sebaliknya wanita tu yg tersangat rugi kerana kehilangan lelaki yang benar2 sayang dan ikhlas serta jujur padanya. Bro, saya sangat menghormati pendirian you dalam hal ni. Semoga tuah dan rahmat menyebelahimu. Hehe..